


Normalcy

by gessicawithag



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, First Love, High School, Love Triangles, Protective Older Brothers, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gessicawithag/pseuds/gessicawithag
Summary: "I sit around and wonder about the fire in your eyes, the movement of your fingers, the way you slowly complicate my life."A story of high school drama, love and growth, and how it doesn't seem like a big deal until you're actually in it.Park Nari is a simple girl with a simple life. At least that's what she hoped for.Her days are full of prickling fear and sickening guilt, but not for what you would expect. They stem from the most unlikely suspect, adults. More specifically, anyone older than her. For some strange reason, she turns into a nervous mess around them. Which makes it that much harder for her to endure her first year of high school.Will she ever be able to crawl out of her shell?
Kudos: 1





	1. Starting Off The Year

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've already been uploading this story to asianfanfics, however, I've been editing it a lot and wanted to upload it here as well to reach more readers!  
> I hope you enjoy it; I've put a lot of thought into this story and have been surprised how well everything began to slot together as I continued to add with each chapter. This is the only fanfic I've ever gotten close to finishing so, I hope it's good :).

_Long-time no see,_ Nari thought as she stared up at the towering building.

It had been a month. She wished it could be more every year. More time, less obligation. More fun, less work. Her wish never did come true though and that's why she was standing reluctantly at the entrance for yet another semester to start.

"Why aren't you going in?" a voice asked from behind her.

She turned to see Sehun standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking at her as if she was an idiot. She smiled softly.

Oh Sehun, her first and only friend at school during primary. He’d been her body guard, therapist, chauffeur, chef, but most importantly best friend since their first year. He had dark, shaggy hair and eyes as brown as leather, that had become so much more striking compared to the soft goofiness of his younger years. His broad shoulders and legs as long as spiders’ held off any threats towards Nari and him, which she appreciated every day. Without Sehun, who knew who or where she’d be.

"I don't know," she sighed as she turned back to face the building.

Nari could feel him roll his eyes behind her but she didn't mind. Then, suddenly, he grabbed her arm and began pulling her into the building with him.

"I'm not letting you be late. That's no way to start the semester."

"Who knew you could be so studious."

He scoffed. She smiled slightly as he led her further and further into the school, somehow knowing the direction to the class that she didn't even know she was in yet. They passed numerous faces she knew she'd see again in this year of schooling but one face in particular surprised her. Her eyes made contact with his and she unconsciously lifted her only free hand up to wave at him as Sehun dragged her away. He waved back and she couldn't help the smile growing on her face.

Sehun turned around as he finally stopped outside a classroom, 1-A.

"I wish we were second years already," Nari stated.

“Only one more semester until classes are no longer gendered. And then I’ll do my best grovelling to make sure we’re together,” he replied.

Because for some reason, their school decided that splitting boys and girls apart for their first year might make them pay attention to their grades instead of their hormones. Like that doesn’t just make things worse…

Nari's smile weakened which caused him to put his hands on her shoulders.

"You have Sunhi with you. The four of us may not get to see as much of each other as we normally did in middle school but, you still have her."

"Thanks, Sehun. I'll see you at lunch."

She waved at him and he smiled before heading off to his class. She quickly headed into her classroom and sat down beside her other best friend. Sunhi turned her head swiftly and her eyes widened so much they might've popped out of her head if she hadn't started talking.

"Nari! I feel like I haven't seen you in years even though I only saw you yesterday!" Sunhi exclaimed, grabbing Nari into a hug.

Choi Sunhi, the first girl to ever approach her willingly in middle school. With her smile as bright as ten suns, Sunhi excitedly sat next to her on the first day when she saw Nari all by herself. Her sparkling eyes and hair that flowed like the ocean enhanced by the sun light shining behind her made Nari think she’d met an angel. A thought she still held to that day.

"It's good to see you too," she replied.

-

"Let's walk home together!" Sunhi exclaimed, grabbing Nari's hand as she finished packing up her bag.

She pulled her into the hallway in record time, hooking arms with her. As they turned into the main exit, they spotted Sehun and Jongin waiting at the gates.

"What are you guys doing here?" Sunhi asked excitedly.

Kim Jongin, her third and final best friend she’d only made because she forced Sehun into the basketball club in middle school to make other friends. Jongin had been more than willing to meet her and made her feel strangely comfortable from the first moment they met. A perfectly trimmed haircut and brown orbs that reminded her of a puppy, Jongin had successfully slotted into their tight knit group.

"It's our first day. We always walk home together on the first day of semester," Jongin explained.

Sunhi nodded in realisation. She hooked arms with Jongin, much to his distaste, beginning her trip out of the school grounds, with Sehun left to drag along behind.

"So, Nari," Sunhi started, "It went okay today, right?"

Nari smiled softly before nodding.

"Thank goodness!" Sunhi sighed heavily.

Nari giggled.

They fell into matching steps, like Sunhi always loved to do. It was surprisingly silent for a walk home with her but Nari wasn't one to complain. It gave her time to appreciate the walk with her best friends. Appreciate the towering trees that hammocked above them. Appreciate the soft breeze that stroked along their skin. Appreciate the cars speeding past.

"Everything will go fine this year, won't it, Nari?" Sunhi took a deep breath in.

"Of course," Nari smiled.

"Stop worrying about her, Sunhi. She may look weak but she's stronger than we expect most of the time," Jongin added.

Sunhi unhooked her arm from the struggling Jongin, shooting him the eye before walking ahead with Nari. Soon enough, they were approaching Nari's house. Sunhi's face sunk.

"I'll see you tomorrow, guys," Nari stated with a smile.

Sunhi's face brightened, "I forgot! We'll see each other tomorrow. Bye, Nari!"

She waved enthusiastically as she grabbed Jongin to keep walking, almost tripping as she headed out of Nari's sight. Sehun smiled and waved at Nari before watching her go inside. But, her mood instantly dropped as her eyes met the faces in the living room.

"Nari! I've been waiting for you. Come, sit. Tell oppa all about your first day," Chanyeol exclaimed as he shot up off the lounge.

Park Chanyeol, her overexcitable, overprotective older brother by two years. Normally he would have offered to walk home with her every day, wanting to spend most moments with his favourite sibling (don’t tell Yoora!). However, he had restrained himself and instead rushed home with his two best friends, Jongdae and Baekhyun, to wait eagerly for her.

Baekhyun and Jongdae were mostly a mystery to Nari after twelve years of avoiding them as best she could. They seemed nice enough, otherwise she’d doubt they would be her brother’s friends, but she never had the courage to actually talk to them. They were kind of just _in_ her life.

Her face remained blank with no response as she stood stock still, staring at the two other faces in the room. Even though she'd known those boys for the majority of her life, she couldn’t help her unsettling feeling around them.

Chanyeol walked over to her enthusiastically, giving her a tight hug before he led her to sit next to him.

"Come on, Nari. I've been eager to hear how it was," he encouraged.

"It was fine. Nothing special," she replied quietly.

"What do you mean ‘nothing special’? I want intricate details!" Chanyeol exclaimed.

She moved her hands to her lap and began unconsciously fiddling with them as she took a deep breath. “It’s just school…”

“Yeah but it’s your first day back!”

“It was just … normal.” Nari let out a shaky breath.

Her stomach twisted in tight knots as she waited for Chanyeol’s next prying question. But she was surprised when she’d heard someone else’s voice.

"Chanyeol, it's obvious she's uncomfortable, let her leave," one voice whispered in his ear.

"But I want to spend time with my sister, Baekhyun," Chanyeol replied.

“Jongdae and I will leave then.”

Chanyeol turned to Nari, to see her looking at him with half-pleading eyes.

"Chanyeol, let her go. She must have a lot of homework since it's the first day," a voice said as they stepped into the room.

Yoora walked casually into the room and sat down next to Jongdae with her freshly brewed cup of tea. She always did have the best timing. Nari internally thanked her sister for being so much more tactful than her brother. And so much better at controlling him than her.

"Okay, if you have to," Chanyeol said reluctantly.

Nari stood up, bowing awkwardly before scurrying out of the room and into her own. Laying face first into her pillow, she sighed in frustration. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest and it was only now that she could hear it. The shaking of her body was unlikely to stop any time soon.

She never had the nerve to speak up to her brother. Especially when he just wanted to spend time with her. But she wished she could. If only to avoid the anxiety she was feeling at that moment.

She sighed into her pillow, the sticky, uneasy feeling in her stomach still present. _Everything will be fine, right, Sunhi?_ she thought.

**August 16th, 2010**

Dear Journal,

It was good seeing him today, if only for a short time.

I think I missed him but I'm not quite sure. It's hard to know at my age. I hope I can see him again soon.

It was good seeing him today,

Nari


	2. I've Missed You

Nari and Sunhi sat together at their usual lunch table, munching unconsciously on their packed lunch. Nari laughed as she watched Sunhi stare at all of the paid lunches that people had been coming out of the lunch hall with. If you looked close enough, you could see the drool slipping out of her mouth. Sunhi stared down at her own lunch and sighed exaggeratedly.

“Packed lunch again, Sunhi?” Jongin asked condescendingly as her and Sehun sat down on the other side of their table.

“Don’t patronise me, Jongin,” Sunhi replied as she glared at him.

Sehun rolled his eyes at them.

“It’s been really hard for her to just sit here and watch them go by,” Nari added.

“I’m sure it’s been a real struggle,” Jongin finished sarcastically.

Sunhi leant over the table and slapped his arm. His eyes grew wide as he cradled his arm. Sunhi stood up and sat on the other side of Nari, causing her to move down.

“Don’t fight guys. You’ll disrupt the lunch area,” Nari ordered.

“Alright, Nari. I’ll listen to you because I’m a good person and don’t annoy my friends,” Sunhi responded, eyes pointed at Jongin.

He scoffed and turned away. Nari nodded dejectedly, keeping her lips tight to prevent them from opening again.

She looked around the lunch area seeing mostly the same she’d seen in the past week she’d started at that school. Fleeting faces, passing words and a lot of laughter.

She was about to turn away when her eyes landed on a familiar face she’d spotted at the start of the week but had no pleasure of greeting. He was walking straight towards her. Her eyes widened intensely and she turned back to her table as her heart began to pound against her chest.

“Hi Nari. Hi guys,” Kyungsoo began with a smile.

Nari smiled weakly at him unable to think of a coherent response. Her stomach was doing backflips now.

Do Kyungsoo, her middle school sunbae. With strikingly dark hair and eyes as round as the moon, he always managed to leave her speechless. He was someone Nari was still nervous around no matter how much time they spent together in the music club in middle school.

“It’s good to see you, Kyungsoo sunbae. None of us have seen you since your graduation,” Sunhi replied.

“I’ve missed you. I’m glad that I can see you again.”

He confidently sat down beside Nari and she quickly turned her head back to her food. The proximity they had seemed so foreign to her yet it had only been a year.

“Have any of you signed up for any clubs yet?” Kyungsoo asked.

The four of them looked at each other simultaneously for an answer but their blank expressions seemed to say everything.

“Nari, I hope you’ll join the music club. It wasn’t the same last year since you weren’t there with me,” Kyungsoo added.

“I don’t know… my parents want me to focus a little more on my studies,” Nari replied hesitantly.

Kyungsoo’s expression fell slightly as he saw her truthful look. The backflips in her stomach then soon melted into a sticky, uneasy gunge that swam around, making her feel all kinds of guilt.

“She’ll be there. Don’t worry, sunbae,” Jongin intervened before placing a hand over Nari’s mouth.

She went to protest but all her sounds were muffled and her attempts came to no avail, Jongin was too good. It wasn’t like she could’ve protested even then, not when she looked at his disappointed look. Kyungsoo smiled cheerfully before he left, waving one more time.

Nari turned to Jongin with flaming eyes. He shot his hands up in defence.

“You’ll have to face him sooner or later,” he defended.

Her eyes calmed at his words and she naturally sighed.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Sehun suggested, handing her his banana milk. Nari sipped at it, avoiding the curious gazes of her friends. Shrugging off any other pressing at the topic, that conversation was over.

-

Nari stood still in the hallway, staring deeply but unconsciously at the door. She still hadn’t made the decision to go in yet and the fast rate of her slipping sanity made it seem like she never would. Her mind was shouting at her, _just go home!_ But her heart was whispering to her, _you want to see him, don’t you?_ Never had she resented Jongin more for putting her in this situation.

She reached her hand out experimentally and curled her fingers around the doorknob. It was cool to the touch and calming to her burning nerves and it made her feel like she could twist it and step inside. That was until she heard a loud voice call for her from the end of the hallway.

“Park Nari, what are you doing?” Chanyeol asked as he approached her.

She swiftly removed her hand from the doorknob and shoved it anxiously behind her back.

“I, um, was invited to join the music club,” Nari recovered quickly.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed, “That doesn’t explain what you’re doing.”

“This is the club room…”

Chanyeol’s confusion swiftly turned into a frown. A frown that Nari never could resist.

“But I was hoping to walk home with you. I haven’t got to walk home with my sister at all this week!”

Nari watched him as he pouted and sighed, his usual routine to get her to do what he wants. She’d be ashamed to admit it but, it always worked.

“Alright,” Nari spoke finally.

Chanyeol’s smile grew wide and he engulfed Nari in a hug. He spun her around who knows how many times before setting her down. He hooked arms with her and walked off gleefully dragging her along. But despite all this happiness radiating for her brother, she couldn’t shake the sickly feeling in her stomach as she looked back at the closed door of the music room.

**August 19 th, 2010**

Dear Journal,

It was good seeing him today.

Though no one would have thought so.

We spoke and for some reason it had felt like years since we’d done that. And I want to go back. I want to repeat and do it properly this time.

It was good seeing him today,

Nari


	3. Just The Usual

“Mum, what did you want me to get again?” Nari asked as she walked into the main dining room.

She looked up, in search of her mother but found only the faces of five familiar but intimidating boys. Her eyes widened to the size of cookies and she instantly regretted her decision to walk into that room. Her palms grew sweaty and she frantically turned around and ran back into the kitchen, managing to bang herself on every object she went past in doing so. She leant her arms against the benchtop and took deep breaths in and out. Her heart wanted burst open.

She decided, in a lapse of sanity, that she’d crawl into the cabinets under the bench and reside there until she was sure the coast was clear.

Her whole body was shaking so much she felt like she could start an earthquake. She hugged her knees tighter to her chest. Only a few minutes passed when, suddenly, a bright light shone into the cabinet and she felt fresh air move in. A cheery expression greeted her with surprise standing close by. She felt her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach as they held a hand out for her, her judgement knowing that she must take it. He helped her to a standing position.

“Nari, it’s been a while!” Yixing exclaimed.

“Of course we’d find you here… I don’t even know why I was shocked,” Luhan added through muffled laughter.

Yixing pulled her into a friendly hug. Nari smiled weakly. As he pulled away the rest of the boys entered with wide grins.

“As expected, Nari delivers, as hilarious as always,” Minseok stated.

“What hiding place was it this time?” Yifan asked, getting a swift reply from Yixing.

They all stared at her expectantly, her eyes refusing to meet any of theirs. These were the moments she dreaded the most in her day, when people would wait for her to speak but she had no will to do so.

These wonderful, intrusive boys, though they’d been working at her parents restaurant for almost two years, she could never get used to them. She normally timed her mornings perfectly, getting up early enough to help her mother and be done before they all arrive for the start of their shift. But today was one of her unlucky days.

“Do you need any help, Nari?” Luhan offered.

“What were you looking for?” Yixing’s eyes moved closer to her, as if searching for the answer in her eyes.

Her breathing shifted unevenly as the boys drifted closer and closer, towering further and further over her. Her head naturally retreated into her shoulders, taking hesitant steps away from the impending bodies. Luckily for her, Junmyeon usually appeared in these moments.

“Were you looking for your mother? I think I saw her and your father at the front desk,” Junmyeon started.

He took her arm and moved her further away from the boys so she could exit. He whispered a simple apology to her and Nari quickly shuffled away and to the front desk, inwardly thanking him but not having the voice to do so. She took a few deep breaths before walking in.

“Mum, I almost died,” Nari stated, latching herself onto her mother in a hug.

“Nari, mum’s trying to do our taxes,” she replied, attempting to detach Nari from her side.

Nari’s eyes widened, “Are you not listening to me? I almost died. Dad, did you listen?”

Her father looked up from his calculator with a dumbfounded expression.

“Why does nobody listen to me in this family?” Nari said dejectedly.

“Stop fretting. Isn’t it about time you get over this inferiority complex?” her father stated.

“It’s not my fault those boys are scary…” Nari muttered.

He looked at her, sighing with heavy shoulders. “...are you sure you don’t need to go back to therapy, Nari? I feel like you’ve only been getting worse since you left.”

Her mother looked up now, awaiting her answer as well.

It’d been a year. A whole year since she’d finally convinced her parents she wasn’t crazy. Or at least made them think she wasn’t. And Nari couldn’t let herself go back now. Not anymore.

“I’m not crazy. You should just employ people younger than me to work at your restaurant,” Nari stated simply.

“If we did that, we’d never have anyone to work during the week,” her father added.

Nari avoided their accusing gazes. It was a usual conversation they had and, not matter how many circles they went around in, they always came to the same conclusion, she would grow out of it. Except, they’d been agreeing on that for the past ten years and no change had occurred.

Adults scared her. Or more simply, _people_ scared her. It’s not like they did anything wrong, it was just a thing, you know. One of those things you have that you just can’t get out of the habit of. It made life a little more difficult than Nari wanted, especially now that she was in the youngest grade at her school, but it’s not like she could do anything about it. That’s just how she was. She’d learnt to live with it so, what was the point in changing now? And no matter what medication or therapy they tried to put her on, she never could.

Nari frowned slightly as her parents continued to discuss their plans for her ‘therapy’ when suddenly a group entered the restaurant.

“How’s everything going?” Chanyeol exclaimed as he walked through the doorway.

Nari smiled slightly at the sight of her brother. That was until she spotted the two boys walking behind him. She instantly switched to her usual frantic expression that she got when seeing these boys. Her eyes widened and she swiftly but very obviously shuffled her way behind the counter into her usual crouch position of protection.

“Is Nari okay?” she heard Chanyeol ask with concern.

“Just the usual,” her father replied casually.

“Maybe we should leave?” a voice she recognised as Jongdae spoke up.

“Don’t be silly. She’s just shy. Plus she’s probably had to deal with the rest of the guys already today,” Chanyeol explained.

“Maybe we could not make her feel worse then?” Jongdae replied.

“I came here specifically to spend time with her,” Chanyeol stated.

Nari couldn’t help her smile. Her brother could be so sweet.

“You know, sometimes it seems like you’re not trying but forcing her to hang out with you,” Jongdae said.

Chanyeol went silent and Nari could imagine the sullen look on his face right now. His goofy smile fading and his shoulders shrugging. Her stomach churned like butter at the thought.

It was moments like these she really hated herself. Too anxious to stand up and fix it but too guilt ridden to sit down and do nothing. Especially when it came to her brother. But in the end, she was always a coward. And _always_ did what her brother said.

As she was about to stand up, relief ran over her as she heard Baekhyun speak up. “Come on. Why don’t we go to the arcade? I’ll pay for your first five games.”

“When you put it like that, how can I resist? Nari, I’ll see you later!” Chanyeol finished, his voicing fleeting as he ran out of the restaurant in excitement.

 _He’s like ping pong_ , Nari thought. It was all too easy for him to change his mind. She sent a mental thank you message to Baekhyun and Jongdae for understanding her so much better than her brother. Or maybe they just knew him better than her.

She took deep breaths in and out and stood up out from underneath the counter. She found two disappointed looks waiting for her.

“What will we do with you, Nari…?” her mother sighed.

**August 21 st, 2010**

Dear Journal,

I felt good today.

My problems don’t seem that big anymore. People kind of understand. My escapes have become a little smoother.

If only it could always be that easy.

I felt good today,

Nari


	4. Put It All Aside

“Nari, I was disappointed you didn’t show up last week,” Kyungsoo began.

Nari looked down at her feet, her lips trembling and the stickiness becoming evident in her stomach.

Unluckily for her, as soon as Nari stepped into the main school building, she made eye contact with Kyungsoo. Rather than face the anxiety she’d feel ignoring him, she opted for the guilt she was feeling now as he pressed her about her absence from the music club rehearsals. She hadn’t decided if this was the better option yet…

“Zitao was eager to see you again,” he added.

Guilt washed over her like a tidal wave, knocking her out though she was still standing.

Huang Zitao, another reason to feel bad that she didn’t show up. The middle school sunbae that was probably most excited to see her again. But only because he’s always excited.

“I’m sorry.” She managed to make a noise.

“Why couldn’t you come?” Kyungsoo asked calmly.

Nari remained staring at the floor, now fiddling with her fingers.

“Do you not want to join?” he pressed.

Silence continued.

“Did you feel uncomfortable again?” he whispered dejectedly.

Nari took a deep breath, wiping her hands on her skirt. She lifted her head slightly, enough to see his mouth and it’s unhappy shape and to enhance her stickiness even further.

“My brother wanted to walk me home,” she replied hesitantly.

His eyebrow’s furrowed, “What?”

“That’s why I wasn’t there.”

He nodded gradually.

“Is that your way of saying you don’t want to do it?”

Her eyes lifted to look at him, an unreadable expression. Her face struggled to keep composure as her stomach churned like buttery guilt. Her nose twitched uncontrollably and her mouth quivered irrepressibly. She knew she had to answer, because she knew that wasn’t what she meant at all, but her mouth didn’t want to move. She wanted to open her mouth and tell him how eager she was to join the music club. Tell him how much she wanted to make music with him again. Tell him how much she missed him when he wasn’t there last year.

She took a deep breath, staring further into his indecipherable eyes, willing herself to speak, when a pair of arms snaked their way around her waist. All at once she was lifted into the air, her eyes bulging out of her head.

“Sorry, but, Nari has somewhere very important to be right now. You can resume this talk later,” Jongin mumbled as he ran off with Nari.

He ran a few metres and around a corner, with no struggling from Nari, before letting her go with no warning, causing her to stumble harshly.

She sighed as she looked up at Jongin, an annoyingly content smirk on his face.

“That was a close one!” he stated, mockingly wiping sweat from his forehead, as he looked down at Nari.

She crossed her arms, “Where is this important thing then?”

“Nowhere.” His eyes gleamed.

Her arms slowly unravelled, “I don’t understand.”

Jongin looked away, chuckling to himself. Nari frowned. He noticed.

“Sehun was about to walk in,” he stated simply.

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Why does that matter?”

Jongin swiftly placed a finger on her lips, shushing her violently, his eyes filled with irritation that seemed to be caused by her.

“No asking questions.”

He grabbed her arm, turning away melodramatically, and dragged her away. He gripped her hard, as if with purpose, and took her down numerous hallways until he stopped abruptly outside her classroom. He turned around to face her, sighing in defeat. Grabbing her shoulders, he nodded decisively before going to leave.

Nari furrowed her eyebrows further, winded by Jongin’s strange and out of character line of events.

“I still don’t understand,” she called out.

He turned around, “I said don’t question me!”

Jongin walked towards her and before she could speak up, he spun her around and shoved her into her classroom, slamming the door after him.

“That wasn’t even a question…” she whispered.

-

Nari stood still in the hallway, staring deeply but unconsciously at the door, for the second time. She hadn’t made the decision to go in yet, same as she had last week and her sanity was slipping at a fast rate once again. Her mind kept screaming the same things at her. _Go home! Go see him!_ _Go home! Go see him!_

She reached her hand out and curled her fingers around the doorknob. It was still cool to the touch but her nerves didn’t calm this time.

She looked down the hallway, knowing at this moment last week, Chanyeol had come wandering down it to persuade her otherwise. However, this time, the hallway was empty and soundless and void. There was no way out for her this time.

So Nari decided.

Put it all aside. It’s not a big deal. A sunbae is a sunbae. He’s not scary. Kyungsoo is very nice and you have no reason to think otherwise. You know you want to do music again. Gather up all your fear and guilt and put it all aside.

She turned the doorknob gradually, a clicking causing her to push inwards and be greeted by a crowd of faces. She took a deep breath.

Zitao shot up off the lounge and ran to stand in front of her.

“Nari! I’m so glad you came,” he stated ecstatically.

She smiled and nodded at him. _Put it all aside_ , she repeated to herself.

She took a further step in and found Kyungsoo sitting calmly on the lounge, smiling sweetly at her with his big, round eyes. She couldn’t stop herself in smiling back.

**August 23 rd, 2010**

Dear Journal,

I think I made progress today.

I told myself to do it and, after a bit of indecision, I did it. I can do it.

Maybe this means I can do it in the future. Maybe this means I do have will. Maybe this means I have a choice. I hope I do have a choice.

I think I made progress today,

Nari


	5. Like She'd Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every fifth chapter I decided to make it from a different character's point of view. Since the majority of the story is through Nari's eyes, I figured it'd be more interesting to show different perspectives every now and then! Hope you enjoy Chanyeol's brain hehe.

**Chanyeol**

“You’ll walk home with me, won’t you, Nari?” Chanyeol asked as they walked through the entrance.

They kept walking in silence, a disposition he hated most. He turned to look at her, her face the most expressionless he’d witnessed and her eyelids incessantly blinking. He stopped her at the stairs that led to her year level.

“Nari?” he asked again.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I walk home with you?” she replied absentmindedly before heading up the stairs.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched her ponder off. He wasn’t entirely sure how to react to her anymore. Her head had been up in space since she’d started high school and he just couldn’t figure out why. He shook it off, not wanting to spoil his mood, and rushed over to his friends not far away, waiting by the bubblers.

“What are you doing?” he started cheerfully as he slung his arm around Jongdae.

“Waiting for our sloth of a friend who insists on walking to school with his sister. Have you seen him?” Jongdae turned to look at him with a smirk.

“I swear I just saw his dumb face walk in…” Baekhyun added as he finished drinking from the bubbler.

It wasn’t long before Chanyeol removed his arm from Jongdae and slapped both of them up the head.

“Very funny,” he said.

Cheesy smiles grew on their faces, sprouting with a hint of smugness. Patronising, mocking. A typical tactic from his best friends to rile him up. By now, he’d realised how to prevent this. First option.

“Stop smiling,” Chanyeol exclaimed.

No effect. Repeat to be sure.

“I said stop it!”

Even less effect. The only choice left for him was violence, so slaps were swiftly laid upon their mouths. Both stumbled back, mouths agape with dumbfounded looks glaring at him as if they were mirror images.

“Close your mouths. Unless you want to swallow flies…” Chanyeol stated in triumph, walking off to class.

He smirked, slipping his hands into his pockets as he heard Baekhyun and Jongdae swiftly shuffling behind him.

-

The bell resounded through the classroom and their teacher could barely contain the class enough to make sure they heard the homework.

Jongdae shot up out of his seat and trod quickly to the door, waiting by it. Chanyeol and Baekhyun rolled their eyes as they packed their things into their bags for safe keeping. They wandered over to him soon enough and Jongdae leapt off the wall in excitement.

“Is there anything good in the shop today?” Jongdae wondered aloud as they walked the halls.

“We’ll have to find out!” Baekhyun exclaimed as he slung his arms around both boys.

They burst into giggles as they ran quickly down the halls together.

Making their way into the lunch hall, Jongdae separated to look in the shop connected to the lunch hall, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol scanned the area for an available table. As if like telepathy, their eyes both landed on the same table and they sprinted over to it. They bumped into each other under the table as the slipped in, unable to hold in their laughter anymore.

“Sold out of triangle kimbap for the third time this week! When will this torture end?” Jongdae sighed dejectedly as he sat down next to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “Tomorrow.”

Jongdae’s eyes widened, “Really? How?”

“Just get to lunch faster.”

It didn’t take long for Baekhyun to be clutching his arm on the red mark Jongdae had left. Baekhyun couldn’t stop his glare.

“You don’t need to wait for us every day, Jongdae. We are big boys and can make our way here ourselves,” Chanyeol stated in Baekhyun’s defence.

Baekhyun nodded along with Chanyeol’s words.

“Yeah, we’ll be twenty next year!” Baekhyun rebutted.

Jongdae rolled his eyes, “Doesn’t mean I won’t worry about you. What majors are you guys thinking of doing next year?”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at each other, eyebrows furrowed.

“Um, why?” Chanyeol asked.

Jongdae chuckled. “So, I can join it and make sure you don’t make fools of yourselves.”

Chanyeol frowned, whacking Jongdae on the head for the third time in that day. Like most days, Jongdae was as annoying as ever, irritating Chanyeol to no end.

“If your sister knew you were this violent I bet she wouldn’t walk to school with you!” Jongdae whined, pointing at Nari.

She was sitting with her usual group of close friends that she had yet to be brave enough to branch out from, smiling along at some exciting notion Jongin was animating for them. Chanyeol couldn’t help his bitter smile.

“Let’s tell on him,” Baekhyun suggested.

Jongdae turned to him and they nodded in agreement. They stood up purposefully before Chanyeol spoke.

“Like she’d listen to you anyway…”

He sighed, looking down at his packed lunch Nari prepared so lovingly for him this morning.

She had so much love, why couldn’t she give it to anyone else? Why couldn’t she accept his friends? Why couldn’t he fix her? She did so much for him every day and he felt so useless only being able to watch her stumble through each day as they came crashing down on her. All he wanted was for her to be safe. Safe and comfortable in her life. But it was like she was a glass wall; he was throwing rocks at her and he wasn’t even making a scratch. As if she’d never listen. _So frustrating_ , he thought.

Baekhyun and Jongdae sat down in defeat as they noticed his sunken expression.

“Woah, way to bring down the mood…” Baekhyun joked, laughing awkwardly.

Jongdae glared at him before turning to Chanyeol with an empathetic smile.

“It’s okay, Chanyeol. We don’t need her to listen to us. She’s been like this since we met. We don’t expect her to change,” Jongdae explained, patting him on the back.

Chanyeol looked up from his fingers that had been fiddling with the lid of his lunch, and looked over at Nari. She’d done her hair in plaits today, reminding him of little red riding hood with her rosy cheeks. She was laughing. He smiled. It had been a while since he’d seen her laugh without forcing herself. His smile faltered. It was bitter like that.

“I hope one day she could sit here, with us… laughing,” he stated absent-mindedly.

“We shouldn’t pressure her. Let her come on her own,” Jongdae suggested.

But it was as if those kind of statements didn’t even register to him anymore. He’d heard his friends and family say that to him every time he’d mention it. _Don’t baby her. She’ll come around eventually. If you coddle her, she’ll only retreat more._ He was sick of it now.

“Whenever I look at her these days it makes me want to cry. Her smiling face hiding her broken eyes…” Chanyeol spoke, sighing back into looking down at his fiddling hands.

“What even made her this way?” Baekhyun asked.

Jongdae’s eyes widened, staring down at his lunch tray, pretending to be ignorant. Chanyeol’s fingers tightened into a fist.

He knew why she was like this. He knew why she was so scared. Of course, he knew. It was his fault after all… But, he had no clue how to fix it. How was he supposed to fix her?

Chanyeol did his best to protect her. Whatever he could do. That’s all he really wanted. But it never felt like enough when he saw her still shrivel up every time she went to school.

Jongdae turned to Baekhyun, smacking him on the arm. “Why would you ask him that?!” he whisper-shouted into his ear.

Baekhyun shrugged, avoiding Jongdae’s accusatory eyes, as he rubbed the red mark on his arm. “If Chanyeol actually let us talk to her when he’s not there, maybe she would get used to us…”

And then something clicked. Chanyeol’s eyes lit up and he turned to his friends with excitement. “What did you just say?”

Baekhyun looked to Jongdae, not sure if it was a trick question. Jongdae shrugged.

“If you let us talk to her … maybe she’d get used to us,” Baekhyun repeated.

The cogs were turning in Chanyeol’s mind. A plan was forming as a cheeky smile crossed his face. Baekhyun and Jongdae looked at each other anxiously.

“That’s doesn’t sound so bad…” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun avoided Chanyeol’s crazy eyes as they set on him. “Baekhyun, are you busy on Thursdays?” he asked.

He shook his head hesitantly.

Chanyeol’s smile widened as he put an arm around Baekhyun. “I’ve got an idea.”

**August 25 th, 2010**

Dear Journal,

I was in a good mood today.

I didn’t get much homework and I didn’t have to talk to too many older people. Chanyeol oppa even offered to carry all my things for me when we walked home. He also cut me a whole bowl of fruit that I didn’t even ask for. It was hard for me not to be happy today.

I hope there are more days like this to come.

I was in a good mood today,

Nari


	6. Riding Along Their Wavelength

“Do you want to eat outside today?” Sehun suggested as he came up to their usual table.

Nari looked up at him and began packing her lunch away before standing up.

“Jongin and Sunhi told me they’re busy so I figured we could walk around the school for a bit. For a change of scenery,” he explained as they walked out of the lunch hall.

They fell into step with one another, that being a seemingly hard thing for Nari to accomplish with Sehun’s long legs but she managed it somehow.

It reminded her of the primary school days, when it was just the two of them. They’d wander the playground for a bit until they sat on the bench in front of the slide. Watching as kids slid down the slide, they ate their lunch in perfect company. Nari would pick at her leftovers, trying to avoid the slices of cucumber or spinach, and Sehun would take them from her box, mixing them into his own. Two straws were stuck into a single banana milk to share that Nari would buy from what coins her mother gave her that morning. Little things that became habits they still had to that day.

They walked silently and peacefully and comfortably. A thing she could only achieve with Sehun. A thing she treasured. A thing she hoped would apply to more people one day. But, she’d mostly resigned herself to the fact that that wouldn’t happen.

Though to others they appear to clash, it was as if they were friends in a past life and understood exactly what they wanted from each other. Nothing more was taken and nothing less was given. They rode along a wavelength that no one else could hitch a ride on, and they were content that way.

“Are you really joining?” Sehun asked suddenly and seriously.

“The music club?” Nari replied, taken aback by his intent tone.

“Yeah.”

“I went on Monday.”

She looked up at him, but found no response or reaction.

“Is there something wrong with that?” she asked gradually.

“Why would there be? I was just curious…” he replied half-heartedly.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she grew more and more confused with the situation. _He said there was nothing wrong, but…_ she thought. They made their way to a bench under a tree by the football field and sat down.

“Do you think I shouldn’t do it?” she pressed lightly.

She continued to glance up at him as they walked but he gave no signs of reaction. Well, any other person looking at his face would think so, but Nari had known him too deeply and for too long to not recognise his expression. He was holding it in, keeping his face at the straightest he could, to not arouse suspicion. She knew why he did it. To make sure she didn’t feel guilty. But when he made that face it always doubled her sickly feeling.

“Do you want me to?” he spoke finally.

Nari’s eyes widened. Those kind of words, those kind of questions. Whenever she tried to dig just a tiny way into his emotion to get him to confess something, anything, to her, he came at her with those questions. Ones she never had an answer to. He was so cryptic it pained her sometimes.

“Don’t try to be smart. It doesn’t suit you,” she brushed it off.

“I’ve always been smart,” he replied calmly.

“Whatever you say.”

He stopped eating abruptly, placing a hand on his heart and clutching at his chest. Nari stopped to look at him. His short moment of seriousness was as fleeting as the summer breeze that had just passed by them, and he was back to his usual mischievous and playful self that he only ever revealed to her.

“I’m very offended, Nari. Since when was my best friend capable of such hurtful words?” he sat in a state of dramatic shock.

And somehow, as the both of them had hoped, it was as if the last few minutes had never happened. Nari giggled and Sehun remained stock still.

“Don’t be hurt, Sehun. You know I only speak the truth,” she stated as she grabbed his hand from his chest and held it by their sides.

He stared at her with his straight expression that he used to hide beneath. However, she could see the sharpness in his eyes, like he was examining her, and she felt chills crawl up and down her spine.

She looked away swiftly and let go of his hand to continue eating. Sehun slowly lowered his hand but, didn’t ever bring it back up to poke at his food.

Moments passed with them in silence, the breeze washing over them. As time ticked closer to the end of break, he finally spoke up.

“Are you going this afternoon?” Sehun asked seriously for the second time in half an hour.

Nari’s chopsticks faltered in her hand. Glancing up to meet his eyes, she grimaced to see his blank expression yet again. But, something hid behind his eyes, like it always did, and she knew what it was. An unfamiliar question that told her something was wrong but, of course, not to push it.

She smiled wider, finding nothing to answer his eyes, “Of course.”

And he nodded. And they packed up their lunch. And they left. Just like that.

-

Nari sat uncomfortably on the couch in the music room, despite her large amounts of space. Kyungsoo and Zitao were on either side of her but they kept so much distance that, to others, it was as if they weren’t next to her at all. However, Nari being Nari, she easily felt their presence beside her and couldn’t help her discomfort.

“I’ll start with a few announcements today. The school is hosting our annual arts festival at the end of this semester and they’ve commissioned a lot for us this year. Since the focus was mainly drama type clubs last year, they’ve chosen music to be the focus this year,” Gaeun, the club leader, began.

Exclaims and shouts of joy were heard all around the room.

“There is a lot to cover so I’ve made a list of pairs for the jobs. These will be based on our abilities as you know,” she explained further.

Nari took a glance around the room as Gaeun spoke, wondering and dreading who she would be partnered with. Knowing her luck, it would be a sunbae in their final year of school who had a tendency to sound, look and act loud and obnoxious. Her polar opposite.

“I’ll stick this on the bulletin board. Take a look in your own time. That’s all as for now,” Gaeun finished before sticking a piece of paper on the bulletin board.

Then, as expected, a wave of bodies rushed over to the board as Gaeun moved out of the way.

Nari decided against the crowd, and it seemed Kyungsoo had the same thought as he sat calmly next to her.

Soon enough the crowd dispersed as they either sighed in relief or disappointment at their partner allocation. Nari took this as her chance to check, mentally preparing herself with deep breaths. She glanced over the board as she approached it and her eyes finally landed on her name.

Park Nari

| 

Do Kyungsoo  
  
---|---  
  
She wasn’t sure if she should be glad or frightened but she was at least slightly relieved that the worst possibilities had been avoided. Though, her subconscious was telling her that she should smile.

Nari felt a presence becoming more prominent behind her. She turned around to see Kyungsoo examining the sheet and as he finished he looked down at her with a soft and somewhat content smile.

“You two will be our main performance. Kyungsoo’s our best voice and he hasn’t stopped bothering me about how incredible your song writing skills are. Let’s see if he’s right,” Gaeun stated, crossing her arms before joining others in the room.

At those words, Nari felt like a pile of bricks had just been placed on her shoulders. She never did well with pressure or any kind of responsibility really. But she knew she couldn’t avoid this like she did all the others. She just had to get it done with as little casualties as possible.

“I know you’ll do well, Nari,” Kyungsoo stated, placing a discomforting hand on her shoulder.

She tried but the only thing her heart could manage was a weak smile.

**August 26 th, 2010**

Dear Journal,

I was confused today. More than usual.

It was the first time I felt like I truly couldn’t understand him. It was as if he was asking me the same question he always did but I’d forgotten the answer.

What is the answer?

I was confused today,

Nari


	7. A Twinge of Content

“Alright guys, that’s about it for the day. Remember to schedule some time outside of club activities to work on your set job with your partner. See you next week,” Gaeun announced.

Nari inwardly sighed in relief and frantically began packing her things into her bag. Once everything was inside, she flung it onto her shoulder and was about to leave when a voice stopped her.

“Wait for me, Nari,” Kyungsoo started.

Nari stopped instantly in her place, knowing now she had no chance of escape. She turned around to him with a soft smile and he came next to her with his gleeful one. They started walking to the door, Kyungsoo taking a few steps quicker than her, holding the door open for them both.

“I’m really happy we got partnered together. I’ve never sung with you before,” he stated in withheld excitement.

She nodded anxiously, feeling as if a sandbag had just been placed on her shoulders and her knees would buckle under the pressure any second. Responsibility wasn’t something she could say she had and the fact that she’d been given so much in such a short amount of time, wasn’t helping her mentality at all.

“Don’t worry too much though. I know you’ll do well. And if you need help, I can always try,” Kyungsoo suggested.

She gave him another soft smile, “Thank you.”

He nodded. Nari turned back to focus on walking when she spotted Baekhyun walking directly towards her with great purpose. She stopped.

“Come on, Nari. Chanyeol asked me to walk with you since he had to rush home,” he explained, getting ready to leave.

Nari’s eyes widened.

This is an obstacle she did not expect to face today. Walking home _alone_ with Baekhyun was one of the last things she ever thought she’d have to do. She couldn’t say she was looking forward to it. But she knew why she was subjected to it, knowing how worried Chanyeol was about her walking home later than 6pm. Just, why did it have to be right now?

“I can take her,” Kyungsoo stated suddenly, causing Baekhyun to turn back around.

Now that wasn’t such a bad alternative. Though both of those boys made Nari’s stomach queasy just standing next to them, Kyungsoo was by far the safer option. He only ever makes light conversation, and he’s very observant, especially when it comes to keeping distance. She could rely on him to make her only somewhat uncomfortable. Baekhyun on the other hand…

He smirked at Kyungsoo’s response. And, suddenly, Nari wanted to be anywhere but there.

“Don’t worry. Chanyeol asked me to do it,” Baekhyun retorted.

“But if you don’t want to then you don’t have to because I can,” Kyungsoo argued.

“I never said I didn’t want to,” Baekhyun responded. He chuckled but it didn’t seem very cheerful.

Nari watched both of them glare at each other, like their eyes were in a cage match. She could really rely on Baekhyun to make things as difficult as possible for her. As expected of someone her brother would be friends with.

She really wished that, just this once, she could pick the easier option. But, she knew the decision she had to make.

“I think I should go with Baekhyun sunbae. I’ll see you later,” Nari said suddenly, quickly walking away from the scene.

She walked as fast as her self-consciousness would let her, not even letting herself glimpse at the disappointed look Kyungsoo was sure to have. She knew her heart would crumble under it straight away.

Baekhyun caught up to her, smiling smugly.

As soon as Nari thought it was safe enough, she slowed her pace and the both of them walked casually. To her surprise, Baekhyun didn’t speak a word to her for a while into their walk. She would’ve felt grateful at any other time but when the thought of Kyungsoo standing at the school gate as she walked away kept rushing through her mind, she was in need of a distraction.

It was too long before Baekhyun spoke, “I wish you wouldn’t call me sunbae.”

Nari said nothing. That wasn’t what she needed to hear. She focused on the road in front.

“It makes me uncomfortable.”

 _You’re not the only one…_ she thought. Her eyes didn’t move an inch from the path.

“I thought we were closer than that.”

Nari knew they weren’t close, and she kept it that way on purpose. Hearing him speak those words, however, made her stomach twist like a knot being squeezed tight.

“What do you want me to call you then?” Nari asked softly. She looked up at him, not at all surprised by his cheeky smile.

“Oppa,” Baekhyun said simply.

Nari looked away. _What was I expecting…_ she thought.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Her eyes avoided his.

“Just try saying it once to see how it feels.”

 _I guess just once, to get him off my back,_ she thought. She took a deep breath, shuddering as she exhaled.

“What do you want me to say, oppa?” she asked gradually.

Nari felt her insides clench together and chills through her spine like a million ants crawling along her back as the words she spoke echoed in her head. She looked up at Baekhyun, avoiding too much eye contact, and found him suppressing an idiotic smile. Something in her heart twinged as she looked at the stupid expression on his face. It gave her this strange feeling of content. The realisation that it could possibly feel _nice_ to open up a little hit her.

“Wasn’t that bad, was it?” he said triumphantly.

Nari turned away, not wanting to indulge him or herself any further. Just because it felt nice once, didn’t mean anything. It’d only cause her more discomfort in the long run, at least that’s what she had convinced herself into thinking.

“Now that you’ve done it once you can’t stop, you know,” Baekhyun explained, again as if he read her mind.

Nari looked at him with widened eyes, looking into his to find any kind of sign he was lying. There had to be a sign. And as she did that, Baekhyun couldn’t contain his laughter.

“You’re so hilarious, Nari.”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched him chuckle.

“What’s so funny, oppa?” she asked hesitantly.

Eyes wide as the moon, words sat on the tip of his tongue for too many moments as he glanced back and forth from her in shock. Holding his jaw, he finally spoke. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

He swiftly turned back to his usual smile before sprinting off, Nari attempting to catch up.

It was strange, but after that they walked the rest of the way in silence. Nari could only feel grateful to Baekhyun now as their previous conversation had distracted her from any thought of Kyungsoo and now she was free to walk without awkwardness. Though he looked not entirely comfortable, Nari could say she now felt more at ease next to him.

They slowed down as they approached her house and both of them entered, walking into the living room. Chanyeol was sitting on the lounge anxiously, Jongdae looking through a magazine calmly next to him. Once Chanyeol saw Nari walk in, he leapt off the lounge and engulfed her in a tight hug.

“You’re okay!” he exclaimed, spinning her around.

“Why wouldn’t she be okay? Are you implying that I’m irresponsible?!” Baekhyun asked, hurt.

Chanyeol placed Nari carefully and lovingly on the lounge next to Jongdae and turned back to Baekhyun with a disapproving look.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he stated plainly.

“You’re the most irresponsible person we know,” Jongdae chimed in momentarily before reverting back to his magazine.

“Don’t worry. Baekhyun oppa did a great job,” Nari explained, grabbing Chanyeol’s hand reassuringly.

All eyes were on Nari in that moment. Like time had stopped, everyone stared at her as frozen as statues. That was until Chanyeol exploded.

“What have you done to my sister?” he whaled as he stood and charged towards Baekhyun.

“Nothing!” Baekhyun argued as he backed up against the wall.

“Nothing, my ass. You’ve defiled her! You let impurity into her soul,” Chanyeol spat into his face as he yelled.

“Just because you’re jealous that you’re not the only one she calls oppa anymore, doesn’t mean you need to take it out on me,” Baekhyun retorted, trying to push away Chanyeol’s towering body.

“How the heck did you get her to agree to that?” Jongdae asked, standing up from the lounge.

“My natural charm,” Baekhyun looked over Chanyeol’s shoulder to smirk.

As he spoke, he went to slide out from his cornered position when Chanyeol grabbed his arm, pulling him back. He raised his hands in defence, his neck shrinking into his shoulders.

At that moment, Yoora walked through from the kitchen as if she knew trouble was brewing. She always had perfect timing.

“What have they done this time, Nari?” Yoora sighed, looking over at her tiny sister.

But before Nari could defend anyone in the room, Chanyeol had to put his two cents in.

“Baekhyun has desecrated our sister!”

It didn’t take long for Yoora’s laid back disposition to be replaced with distress as she walked over and pushed Chanyeol out of the way to stare down Baekhyun instead.

“What have you done to my sister?” she asked calmly and deeply, as if to fill the room with her demanding tone. The room shuddered.

“No need to overreact, Yoora noona. We’ve just moved passed the sunbae stage,” Baekhyun explained hesitantly.

Much unlike Chanyeol, her anger evaporated easily and she stepped away from him. “Oh, well, that’s okay then. As you were.”

And Yoora was gone. Just like that.

“No, you’re supposed to get angry!” Chanyeol complained, following her out of the room.

“Calm down, Chanyeol. It’s not the end of the world if she calls another boy oppa,” Jongdae said plainly.

“But she’s my sister. Not his.” Chanyeol huffed as he wandered back into the living room dejectedly.

He plonked himself down on the lounge next to Nari and sighed, leaning his head on her shoulder.

“I don’t mind calling him that. You’ll always be my number one anyway,” Nari stated hesitantly, taking Chanyeol’s hand again.

She smiled sweetly at him as he looked at her, despite her sick feeling within at her words, and he couldn’t help but smile goofily back at her. It was very rare that Nari was able to explain things to her brother in a way that made him calm down but today it seemed possible.

“When you look at me like that, Nari, it makes me want to forgive all the bad people in the world,” Chanyeol said, gripping her hand tighter.

“I should be calling Jongdae sunbae, oppa, as well by now. I’ve know them for a long time,” Nari explained.

Chanyeol continued to smile at her, it growing wider and wider as time passed. She spotted a look of joy and relief in his eyes and his smile grew into a knowing one, as if he knew something she didn’t.

She looked over at Jongdae, smiling goofily and failing to hide it and her heart felt warmer at the sight of it. Her sick stomach was somewhat subsided. _All for the sake of peace…_ she thought.

“Alright, I’ll let it pass for now. Only because I know I’m your number one,” he submitted.

Nari felt at ease as she looked at him, stroking his hand lightly. Staring at his knowing smile, she felt as if maybe he’d wanted this to happen. He had always tried to get her to open up to his friends. It would make sense to her that he’d be somewhat happy. And at that thought it made her feel so much more content.

“Who else could replace you?”

**August 26 th, 2010**

Dear Journal,

I’m back again.

I remembered something significant today. Some kind of a milestone for me. I think I opened up to someone other than my family and friends. I think I might have made actual progress today, rather than the kind I tell myself is progress. The kind where I avoid my problems.

I didn’t avoid them today. Well at least not completely. And it genuinely feels good. And I genuinely feel content.

I’m back again,

Nari


End file.
